Do you struggle to stay positive?

 

Do you find yourself expecting the worst in every situation?

 

Do you assume negative intent when it comes to other people’s actions?

 

Does it seem like you’re doomed to keep thinking this way?

 

(Spoiler alert: you’re not!)

 

This article hits really close to home for me.

 

For many, many years I spent my days trapped in thoughts that made me feel unhappy, worried, guilty, negative, depressed, anxious – you name it.

 

Having these thoughts rolling around in my head all of the time negatively affected every other area of my life including my job performance, my relationships, and my health.

 

The worst part was that I believed it was impossible for me to change my thoughts.

 

I had heard others talk about “rewiring your brain” to think productively, but I felt like I was so set in my ways, and felt like my brain was so stubborn, that I didn’t have the ability to alter my thinking.

 

After years of feeling bad about my thoughts, I finally decided I was fed up.

 

I took action.

 

I learned about different ways to change the way my mind operates.

 

It wasn’t until recently that I officially began to choose the way I think.

 

If you want to do the same, here’s what you should know:

 

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Why Negative Thoughts Are Making Your Life Harder

 

We make our lives SO much harder than they need to be.

 

In the not-so-distant past, I remember spending days constantly thinking “I don’t want to ‘X.’”

 

“I don’t want to get out of bed.”

 

“I don’t want to drive to work.”

 

“I don’t want to be here.”

 

I honestly didn’t realize what a toll this type of thinking was taking on my life.

 

Instead of one thing being “bad” (example: I don’t like my long commute), everything seemed bad (example: I’m never going to be happy!).

 

I was in a downward spiral.

 

If this sounds anything like your thoughts, you are subconsciously sabotaging your days, and your life.

 

By saying “I hate my job” or “I hate my body” or “I hate” whatever other area of life you’re not currently impressed with, you’re telling your brain to accept this information as a fact.

 

Then throughout the day, your brain searches for evidence to support this “fact.”

 

The result is that you spend your time, consciously or unconsciously, looking for the negative in every situation.

 

This is not how you want to spend your limited time on earth!

 

I promise you, you can change the way you think!

 

At least for the majority of the time.

 

Remember, I spent years, and by years I mean most of my life, thinking I was stuck with negative thinking until I finally made it a priority to think better thoughts.

 

And, in turn, I now live a better life.

 

The following are some of the strategies I’ve used to retrain my brain.

 

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Pay Attention to Your Thoughts, Notice When They’re Not Constructive

 

 

I’m really big on self-awareness.

 

If you don’t notice what you’re doing or thinking, how can you ever “fix” or improve your actions or thoughts?

 

Before you try anything else, just notice the thoughts you think throughout the day.

 

Pay attention to the overall vibe of what goes through your head.

 

In fact, write down your thoughts throughout the day. 

 

At the end of the day, or after a couple of days, look at what you’ve written.

 

Are your thoughts helping you become the person you’d like to be? Or are they hindering you?

 

If your thoughts are less than desirable, commit to making a change.

 

Here’s how to start:

 

 

Reframe Your Thoughts in a More Positive Way

 

I’m not gonna lie, this takes a lot of time and effort. Especially if you’re like me and your brain defaults to self-criticism and cynicism.

 

But you can do it.

 

Try to catch yourself when you’re thinking negative thoughts, being judgmental, or being hyper-critical.

 

Then change that thought into a more positive or constructive one.

 

There are a lot of ways to do this. You can simply think the inverse, or the opposite, of the negative thought.

Example:

Thought – “I’m really not looking forward to this presentation”

Inverse – “I’m actually looking forward to this presentation!”

 

You can look at a negative experience as a learning experience.

Example:

Thought – “This car in front of me is driving like an *expletive*”

New Thought – “What is this situation trying to teach me?” (Could be patience….just a thought…)

 

If this big of a swing in thought is really hard for you, I get it. It’s often not realistic to make such huge jumps.

 

The good news is you don’t have to go from “I hate my job” to “My job is the best thing in the world!”

 

In fact, you shouldn’t.

 

Because, one, your brain is not going to believe that you all of a sudden love your job if you’ve spent years despising it. And, two, if you don’t believe the new thought, you’re going to feel like “it’s not working” and give up.

 

Don’t give up!

 

Rather, take baby steps.

 

Two baby steps that I really like are:

 

1. Think “I just want to see if I can do ‘X’.”

 

I learned this trick from the You Are a Badass books by Jen Sincero (probably my all-time favorite “self-help” books).

 

Example:

 

Instead of thinking: “I’ll be broke forever, I’ll never make more money,”

 

think “I just want to see if I can make more money.”

 

You can interchange the example with any of your negative thoughts.

 

Turn: “I’ll never lose this extra weight,”

 

into: “I just want to see how much weight I can lose.”

 

2. Add the word “yet” to your negative thought.

 

I learned this one from one of my blogging idols Natalie Bacon (of NatalieBacon.com).

 

Example:

 

Instead of thinking: “I don’t love my body,”

 

think: “I don’t love my body yet.”

 

Again, you can use this for anything.

 

Turn: “I don’t have any friends,”

 

into: “I don’t have any friends yet.”

 

You can also try repeating positive affirmations (think “I am happy” or “I love my life”).

 

A lot of people will write down their favorite affirmations and look at them every day.

 

I’ve heard about many people achieving positive results through affirmations.

 

Personally, affirmations did not do the trick for me.

 

I think it was because even though I really WANTED to believe the things I was affirming, deep down I didn’t believe them.

 

Things didn’t start to change drastically for me until I incorporated this next strategy into my life.

 

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If You Can’t Believe Your Positive Thoughts, Ask Questions

 

 

 

 

What if no matter how many times you try to force yourself into thinking positively, nothing changes?

 

Or your mind always finds its way back to your default, negative thinking?

 

This is how my brain worked for years. It was so inflexible. I couldn’t get my brain to think the way I wanted it to.

 

As I mentioned above, I tried repeating affirmations over and over, but I had a really hard time believing my new positive thoughts.

 

Then I learned about a new strategy:

 

Asking your brain questions.

 

This is perhaps the number one thing that helped me “rewire” my mind to think more positively.

 

I came across this idea listening to Natalie Bacon’s podcast Design Your Dream Life. She explained it like this:

 

Your brain is like a computer.

 

It’s always searching for answers.

 

And it’s really smart.

 

When you say something like “I don’t know how to do ‘X’” your brain stops searching and starts gathering evidence about why you don’t know how to do “X.”

 

So, instead of thinking “I don’t know,” why not enter a more constructive “search” into the database that is your brain?

 

For example, ask “how can I do ‘X’?” and your brain will start searching for answers.

 

This tip was especially helpful for pursuing my dream of starting a blog.

 

For the longest time I thought “I don’t know how to start a blog” and “I don’t know how to run a business online.”

 

Accordingly, my brain accepted those statements as truth.

 

HOWEVER.

 

When I asked myself “how can I start a blog” and “how can I run an online business” my brain found the answers.

 

I found courses that made starting my own website not only doable, but relatively easy.

 

Asking questions was life-altering. It gave me a much more positive outlook on my life and my choices.

 

But there was still one area that produced a lot of negative thinking for me to overcome:

 

What other people might think or say of me.

 

Which leads to my next strategy…

 

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Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt

 

Other people’s opinions have way too much of an impact on how we think and feel about ourselves and our lives.

 

Hence the oft-given advice “don’t worry about what other people think.”

 

Easier said than done right?

 

I agree, but I’ve found that one of the things that has helped me think more constructive thoughts is to practice empathy when it comes to other people’s words and actions.

 

When you perceive someone as being mean, or rude, or short with you, don’t take it to heart.

 

It’s hard to ignore feeling slighted, I know, but I suggest deliberately trying to assume the best of the other person.

 

The fact of the matter is you never know what someone else is going through.

 

So why not interpret their “rudeness” with compassion.

 

Example:

 

Instead of thinking “wow, my boss is a jerk,” choose to think “wow, my boss must be stressed out” or something similar.

 

The only thing you “sacrifice” by thinking the best of others is your pride.

 

Always choose empathy, you’ll never regret it.

 

Besides, trying to guess what others are thinking or why they’re acting a certain way is a total waste of your time and energy.

 

This relates to my final point.

 

 

Don’t Take Things Personally

 

There is one quote, which is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, that perfectly sums up why you shouldn’t invest in thoughts about what others think of you:

 

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

 

Everyone has their own thing going on. They have their own problems, worries, goals, and thoughts.

 

Unless they’re your parents (who undoubtedly think about you quite a bit) or your kids (who depend on you and, therefore, have a vested interest in knowing what you’re doing), they’re probably not thinking about you.

 

What a blow to the ego, right?

 

But it’s also empowering. Because a lot of times we don’t attempt things we want to do because we’re worried about what others will think.

 

What a relief to know they’re not thinking about us at all!

 

It’s one less thing for your busy brain to worry about.

 

But what if they are thinking of or talking about me? You ask.

 

My response: WHO CARES.

 

You shouldn’t.

 

There are two types of people who think about you and who comment on your actions – people who care about you and want the best for you, and people who go out of their way to judge or criticize you to intentionally make you feel bad.

 

The people who care about you will love you regardless of what you do – so there’s no point in obsessing over what they think about you.

 

The people who want to hurt you deserve your pity. They don’t deserve a space in your mind.

 

I personally give you permission to ignore the negative people.

 

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Final Note

 

If your thoughts are interfering with living your best life, rest assured that you (and ONLY you) have the ability to change them.

 

Try at least one of the strategies from this article and see if it works.

 

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!